I feel like I know him from his writing. And I know how he feels because it's exactly how I feel sometimes. But reading about someone else's pain does not lessen one's own pain. In fact, it intensifies and amplifies it. Knowing that someone feels the same way you do doesn't change anything. You acknowledge the fact that you're not the only one gnawing away at your own heart with this masochistic obsession that's is driving you crazy oh SO DAMN CRAZY you wish you could just die so you don't feel so jealous and mad. But so what? I want to get over this, I really do. I need to get over it, but my brain keeps thinking about it and it's the only thing I can think about and it feels so sad to know that it's not the same and it never will be and for all the special things I am, I am not special to her in that respect.